Spoiler warning: This article contains light story spoilers for Fire Emblem: Three Houses.
The Dashing Prince Dimitri
It has come to our attention that concerning rumors are circulating throughout Fódlan. The false prophet, Sir Jesse Vitelli, has purportedly been spreading slanderous mistruths in an effort to fool citizens into pledging allegiance to the Black Eagles, and another that goes by Baron von Greysun who is committing similar offenses.
Fortunately, as a loyal servant of the Holy Kingdom of Faerghus, I have been sent to dissuade any potential defectors to the Adrestian Empire.
If you are still unconvinced, please advise in the comments below so that your execution may be organized in a swift and painful pleasant manner.
First and foremost, there is no goal more glorious in this life than to pledge fealty to the Boar Prince, Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd.
Fearless in battle and studious in the classroom, this stunning blond monarch views all of his citizens as his equals and will lend aid no matter how dangerous the situation.
Unlike the elitist Edelgard of the Red Eagles — because they actually wear red, the inconsistent ninnies — Dimitri strives for a future where commoners and nobles alike will be treated fairly and justly.
Some might suggest that Claude would also be receptive to such a notion, but he lacks the initiative and ambition to ever put it into action.
Additionally, Golden Deer sounds more like a developmental basketball team name than a suitable moniker for a house of the Garreg Mach Monastery.
Most importantly, however, Dimitri’s surname is very helpful when you’re playing Scrabble.
The Blue Lions Route Offers Traditional Swordplay
Though you will be given a varied roster of units in Fire Emblem: Three Houses, each house has its own specialty.
It’s nullified somewhat by the fact that you can arm anyone with anything you feel like (my healers are typically equipped with a mace because I’m sick like that), but if you fancy the exquisite art of the sword, the Blue Lions will be right up your alley.
Prince Dimitri is often seen with his lance in hand, but is deft with the traditional blade, as well. Alongside Byleth, Sylvain, Felix and Ingrid, you will have no shortage of opportunities to stab anyone or anything foolish enough to cross your path.
Erstwhile, the Black Eagles rely on the inconsistent risk of magic casting as their offensive output, while the Golden Deer are better known for their archery and poverty. The choice is obvious, unless you want to end up in the grave before your time.
Faerghus Has Already Defeated the Adrestian Empire Before
If you’re unfamiliar with the history of Fódlan, it may surprise you to know that the beginnings of Faerghus came at a steep cost, as the citizens had to fight for independence from the oppressive Adrestian Empire.
The courageous Loog assembled an army and began a rebellion that would later become known as the War of the Eagle and Lion.
After four years of combat, Loog’s forces claimed a decisive victory, and negotiated terms to form what is now known as the Holy Kingdom of Faerghus.
In other words, the Blue Lions have already proven their dominance over the Black Eagles in historical fashion. Why would you want to associate with a house of losers, exactly?
Unless you simply felt bad for them and thought they could use the ego boost, you’re wasting your time. There’s a reason why Bernadetta locks herself away in shameful isolation, after all.
The Blue Lions are the Bulbasaur of the Three Houses
This might seem an odd comment to make, but merely look at all of the unwarranted fanfare the other houses have received to understand the enormity of this notion.
Much like Charmander or Squirtle, Edelgard and Claude have been pushed to the moon and back through marketing efforts and ribald fan art that makes me feel icky inside.
The latter for his boyish good looks and accessible, carefree attitude, the former because apparently the gaming populous likes to fawn over horrid tyrants.
The truly enlightened, however, see the merit of Bulbasaur; reserved, reliable and unheralded. Not nearly as bombastic as their contemporaries, a partnership with Bulbasaur and Dimitri will be fruitfully rewarded with a steadfast ally upon whom you can depend on in the darkest moments.
Not only does Dimitri have an advantage over the rock and water-type foes in the first two gyms, but he can also resist Lt. Surge’s electric attacks — a definite boon for beginning trainers.
…I think I got my analogies mixed up.
Dedue Will Probably Kill You Otherwise
Look, let’s just be honest and say that Dedue is someone you would much prefer to see fighting at your side, rather than meeting in mortal combat, or just generally disagreeing with, or concealed within your Christmas stocking.
He doesn’t mention this often, but he hails from Duscur, and that alone makes him a little unhinged. He’s distant, brooding and self-loathing, and also approximately nine feet tall and particularly good at removing heads from bodies.
Frankly, there’s a chance he might kill you even if you do choose the Blue Lions, but it’s probably smarter to hedge your bets and befriend this enormous man as soon as possible.
Maybe he has a soft side underneath that mountain of muscles and frowny faces?
You’d like to find out more, wouldn’t you? Be sure to let the rest of us know, as we will be standing back a safe distance.
For more Fire Emblem: Three Houses information, be sure to check out our full review, and if you need some help finding your way, the Fire Emblem: Three Houses wiki is overflowing with tips and tricks to raise your skills from novice to master.
Please note: any members of the Black Eagles or Golden Deer found accessing the wiki will be tried for trespassing and vampirism. You damned vampires!
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